spiritual awakening

For a long time, I felt as if it was me against the world. I was so deep into my self-improvement and doing all the things, but constantly felt like I was fighting with the world around me. There was this heaviness that I was carrying around with me everywhere I went, and I made sure that others felt it to. I was angry that nobody around me was able to understand what I was going through. I was angry because I felt like nobody was supporting me. I was angry that the world was the way it was. I was angry because I felt like nobody was doing anything about it. I was angry because I was changing, and I wasn’t able to go back to the way things were. Believe it or not, so many on this path to self-discovery feel this immense heaviness at one point or another on their journey. This is the part where the veil of reality is being revealed to you. You start to realize that there is so much more out there in the world than what you had been conditioned to believe. You begin to understand that you are a soul having a human experience on this planet. There is this deep knowing inside of you that you are capable of so much more. You’ve felt a shift and tasted the power within yourself, but it still feels so dense. The moments of clarity are fleeting, and you still don’t know what direction to move in. It feels like you’ve tried everything, but you still find yourself stuck in the middle of the maze and everywhere you turn you hit another dead end.

This is part of our spiritual awakening or self-discovery process. Now that we have this self-awareness and we’ve cleared out all the debris to become an energetic match for our dharma, we move into our spiritual awakening process. In this phase, we are learning to love all the parts that make us who we are. We are being shown what is holding us back and we are meant to integrate everything we have learned up to this point. To choose a path to commit to. Dive deeper into figuring out what practices work for us. This is how we learn about ourselves. My spiritual awakening began when I dove deeper into meditation and enrolled myself in my first Vipassana Course. I spent 10 days in silence, meditating 10+ hours per day, confronting the anger that was filling my being. By day 2, I knew that I could not continue living the way I had been and that I needed to make a major shift. I began grieving my entire life up until that point. Every day brought me deeper into the depths of my own despair. By the end, I made the choice that I wasn’t going back to the way things were. That life, that way of being, was over.

I thought that meant literally leaving my life behind and starting over completely. Leaving my partnership, my home, and isolating myself from the world so I could heal in peace. Running away from all the pain in my life and spiritually bypassing it because how could I possibly go another day living in this discomfort. What I was failing to realize is that I was blaming all these external factors for how I was feeling on the inside. I was asking, even begging to be enlightened, but I still wasn’t taking ownership for my participation in this reality I was living in. If I’m emitting anger out into the world, by law, I will receive vibrations of that frequency back. So even though I have this knowledge, I hadn’t integrated these universal principles into my being.

So, I hit rock bottom and was drowning in the depths of my despair, ready to leave everything I knew behind in my emotional turmoil but during a meditation something different entered into my awareness. A whisper that said don’t go and even though I was in so much pain, I listened. I came back into stillness twice a day and faced my life where it was. I began to take radical ownership for my own reality and how I was an active participant in all of it. To my surprise, this is when Dharma Coaching came into my life. I had known that I wanted to coach and use my knowledge in astrology to help others, but it never felt like the right moment. It was so easy to keep making excuses why I couldn’t, but this time was different. I decided enough is enough and if I truly want to step into this next version of myself, I need to put in the work to make it happen. Nobody else was going to do it for me. So, that’s what I did. I committed to my path. I started to show up for this new version that I was becoming. I got back on track with my astrology studies and I was learning the Dharma Coaching framework. I was focused and committed to align soulfully to my own truth.

Slowly, life started to subtly shift. I was becoming more aware of when my anger was showing up. I began to notice when I was blaming someone else for how I felt. I developed a morning practice that was bringing more peace into my daily life. I was understanding myself on a deeper level and finally integrating into my experience everything I had been learning about. I was reclaiming my energetic sovereignty and finally stepping into my own power because I decided to take radical ownership over my life. This is the major lesson during your spiritual awakening, that you are the creatrix of your own reality. We must integrate our knowledge and wisdom into our current reality in order to continue down our path. We must own the full spectrum of our emotions and not run away from them or try to bypass them. This is what the human experience is all about, to feel, to be human. Our emotions are like a pendulum. How low we are willing to go determines the heights we reach. We forget this universal truth of life when we avoid the low part of the emotional spectrum. We keep ourselves in the comfort of the middle, never going low and never feeling high, avoiding what it actually means to be a human being.

This stage is designed to be uncomfortable. It is designed to bring you to your lowest low so you can be propelled into the highest version of yourself. We are all here learning the lessons that our souls chose to go through during this lifetime. Feel what is showing up for you during this stage. Allow it to come to the surface. Accept that whatever it is, it is part of you and always will be. Take ownership of your life and make the changes necessary to align soulfully to your own truth. Commit to your path and dive deeper into what lights your soul on fire. Remember that we cannot have light without darkness. We live this truth each day as the sun rises in the morning and sets in the evening, allowing darkness to fill the sky. This dance between light and dark began before humans existed and will continue long after we are gone. It's so easy for us to accept this truth of the universe and we forget that the universe also exists within us. This stage reminds us to love and accept all parts of ourselves, the light and the dark.